DBT SKILLS
1. WISE MIND
· when you are balanced between emotional mind and reasonable mind...You are not allowing your emotions to control you, but at the same time you are still allowing yourself to feel the emotions.
2. Observe
· just sit back and observe your emotion. How is it making you feel physically and emotionally?
3. DESCRIBE
· tell yourself in words how it is making you feel.
4. PARTICIPATE
· allow yourself to feel the emotion, just don't hold on to it, let it go. Don't stuff it inside and not feel it at all either.
5. NONJUDGEMENTAL STANCE
· don't be judgmental against yourself or others. Don't let yourself think that an emotion has to be either good or bad...just remember it is your emotion and it just is...
6. ONE-MINDFULLY
· don't think about the past or the future. Just concentrate on the here and now.
7. EFFECTIVENESS
· focus on what works for you. Don't try to rush, or you will get overwhelmed, just focus on doing things the way you know they will work for you.
8. OBJECTIVE EFFECTIVENESS (DEAR MAN)
· this is an acronym to be able to work out a problem with someone you are upset with. Here is the meaning of DEAR MAN:
D= describe what is bothering you.
E= express how the situation is making you feel.
A= assert yourself, don't assume that they already know what is wrong with you, tell them.
R= reinforce. Let the person know how important it is for you to be heard...
M= stay mindful. If you have to make yourself sound like a broken record. Don't allow the person to go into another topic, stay on the discussion at hand...
A= appear confident. Even if you don't feel confident inside, if you look confident on the outside, the person will be more willing to listen to you...
N= negotiate. Try to compromise and come up with a solution that you both can agree on.
9. RELATIONSHIP EFFECTIVENESS (GIVE)
· another acronym to try and keep a discussion with a loved one calm:
G= be gentle. Be courteous in your approach. Don’t come off screaming and yelling.
I= interested. Seem interested in what the other person has to say and listen to their point of view...
V= validate. Let the other person know that you understand how they are feeling also...
E= easy manner. Put a little humor into the discussion. It makes both people feel more at ease to talk.
10. SELF-RESPECT EFFECTIVENESS (FAST)
· another acronym for allowing yourself to not be used and taken for granted.
F= be fair to yourself and the other person. Don’t be judgmental...
A= no apologies. We tend to OVER apologize. Try to keep the apologies out.
S= stick to your values. Don’t allow yourself to change your feelings to make the other person happy.
T= be truthful. Don’t lie to yourself or the other person. You have your own mind, use it. Don’t think that you need to let other people make up your mind for you to please them.
11.REDUCE VULNERABILITY (PLEASE)
· one more acronym to keep yourself feeling good physically and mentally so you aren't as vulnerable to stressful situations.
P & L= treat physical illness. If you are sick, go see a doctor, get the help you need to feel better....
E= balance eating. Your body feels good if you eat right. Don’t eat too much and don't eat too little...
A= avoid mood altering drugs. Staying away from drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sugar and such also makes you stay clear headed and feeling better....
S= balance sleep. Again like food, sleep is important. Make sure you don't get too much sleep and make sure you get enough sleep...
E= get exercise. Exercise is a good way to relieve stress and makes you feel better inside. I love to walk.
12. BUILD MASTERY
· whenever you do anything at all that makes you feel like you are in positive control or that you accomplished something, you have used build mastery. Cleaning the house is even a build mastery.
13. BUILD POSITIVE EXPERIENCE
· go visit a friend or a family member. Help someone out. There is a page in the workbook that gives a huge list of ways to build positive experiences.
14. OPPOSITE-TO-EMOTION
· do something you don't want to do. Like if you know you need to go to the store or to an appointment, but you don't want to. If you do go, then you are using opposite to emotion. Some people who are feeling sad put in a comedy movie to try and lift their spirits. This is also opposite to emotion.
15. DISTRACT
· if you are feeling stressed and too overwhelmed to deal with a current situation, go read a book or play the computer or take a walk to distract your mind until you can calm down and come back to handle the situation. Be careful...using this skill to an extreme can be a result of stuffing your feelings and not just distraction.
16. SELF-SOOTHE
· do something that makes you feel good. They say to do something to use each of your senses. Taste, smell, touch, sight and sound.. but to me, anything that makes me feel good inside I consider self-soothing.
17. IMPROVE THE MOMENT
· use prayer, meditation, or just sit and concentrate on your breathing, or just picture a nice place in your head to try and calm yourself down, when you feel overwhelmed.
18. PROS AND CONS
· make a list of the pros of a current situation and of the cons to help you decide what you should do.
19. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
· this is a lot like the Serenity prayer...you use this to accept the fact that some things, you just can't change. Allow yourself to accept that your feelings are yours and you have a right to them. They are not good or bad they just are...